family, mom, people’s judgment

if you are those people who have good relation with your mom, i’m totally happy for you. i don’t know what it’s like because i don’t have a good relation with my mom.

she tries to be a good mom. she really does try, as much as she can when she feels like it. she loves her children, that i don’t doubt. but love doesn’t always translate to good parenting. she is loving but not lovable nor likable.

so when people judge me for my lack of affection towards her, my reply usually is ‘please don’t judge when you know nothing’. simply because she gave birth to me, it doesn’t automatically make me feel tender towards her. she was mean sometimes, and often times embarrassed me on purpose. i don’t know how to love that person.

a friend of mine lost her mother to cancer. after the funeral, my mom asked how i would have felt if i had been in that place. my response lacked consideration, and was cruel. it obviously showed that i would be affected the very least possible.

it isn’t true. i would be very affected. but not as much as it should be. i have no regret of not being affectionate towards her. we don’t deserve each other.

i am neither grateful nor spiteful for having her in my life.

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