i am as lonely as a moon

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the parking space in front of starbucks, siam square, is usually empty at early morning. i regularly drop by around 7 am and there is plenty of room i can’t decide where to park. today i swung by at 8 am, and those empty spots were gone. i had to park a block away. inside the shop was busy and the consequence was the cashier was very curt and quick. 

i had breakfast in my car this morning. not because i wanted a change of scenery. it’s because i had to be somewhere else other than my usual workplace. 

the tomato mozzarella bagel tasted as good as ever. the soy green tea latte was forever heavenly. my favorite drink at starbucks so far. i will continue having it until the change of heart. despite of everything, i felt lonely and troubled. the prospect of meeting with new people gave me a knot in my stomach. 

i couldn’t finish the latte, left it in my car, and drained it in one big gulp after the meeting. still tasty. and i was famish. 

why is it so hard to get what you want? why is it so out of my reach to get a job that pays me well enough to afford a cup of starbucks every morning. i am about to go broke because of this coffee paradiso. 

why is my life not the way i want it to be? how can i fix that? how can i go after the job i want and convince them that i’m the one for it? 

one day is a good day. another is not. 

i haven’t decided if today is good or inglorious.

image from nasa

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