best friends are not forever

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i trip on reality. that’s the passage i’ve been going through lately. things are not what i planned and hoped they would be. life is throwing me a curve ball. or fast.

not only is my career running down the hill right now, my personal life is bailing out on me. who says that seasons change and people don’t is totally wrong. people change and not for the better. 

my best friends change or more like reveal, their true selves. our situation is a 180 degree flip from college to real world. 

come to think of it, they are what they were since college. i ignored it at that time, thinking it was no big deal. i looked the other way, assuming they valued my friendship as much as i did theirs. 

plum is the 1st one to let her angel mask go. she was always the selfish one back then. she rarely shared her notes with anyone. she even rewrote her papers after she had read mine. i didn’t think much of it for the fact that i was nowhere near her competition. she got As most of the classes whereas i barely scraped by. she is too competitive to allow anyone to come close to her level. 

i don’t know if she’s happy right now. well, maybe she is in her own way. she graduated with 1st honor and landed a teaching job in a college. i think academic career suits her. what bothers me is that she makes her job sound super uber busy. i didn’t know a teaching job is extremely tough that she had no time to call me. she even disparaged me that my work must be so light that i had time to call her. i don’t need that. i don’t deserve that. to me, she was acting on a play where her job/life was way too important to make time for anything else. when we tried to get together, she demanded that we came to her neighborhood. she didn’t want to waste time driving. now i can see how selfish and self-absorbed she really is.. even people who run the country have time for themselves. needless to say, that phone call was the last one i gave her.

there’s pat. i’m not really surprised about her. she is the least likable one in the group. she speaks without thinking and never considers how her words will hurt other people. now she’s an air hostess. i have to give her that. she is really good. in the economy where many airlines fold or cut routes, she manages to keep her job. 

after reviewing and rationalizing, i can’t find the root of her holier-than-thou attitude. she doesn’t come from a wealthy family, rather poor to be exact. now that she travels a lot because of her job, she thinks she’s top of the world and acts like it. i’m jealous, i admit. i want to travel the world and experience different cultures. it doesn’t mean that she is better than me because she flies every now and then. she never even boarded a plane before having this job. i, on the other hand, had been to many countries with my parents since i was in primary school. never once i acted superior to her. i don’t understand why she behaves to me that way. she has such attitude even when working for a foreign airline. imagine how big her ego will blow up if she got a job at the national airways. 

how do you keep friendship with someone who thinks superior than you when in fact she isn’t. i guess the correct answer is you don’t. 

new hasn’t changed. she is the only one who doesn’t change. she is like that always. she cares only for herself. i guess we became friends because we happened to be at the same place at the same time. now that we go separate ways, separate we must be from one another. 

nicky has always been a good friend. she’s the 1st one to get married and now raising her kids. her world has changed upside down from college now. we keep in touch still. she tries to keep my morale high after the layoffs. we talk on the phone but not as long as we used to. she has babies to take care. friendship remains but we don’t have much in common now. she doesn’t understand the work environment for she is a stay-home mom. i don’t relate to her about raising kids. 

sasha is the only one in touch with me regularly. she constantly checks in with me to see how i cope. always sms or email. a friend in need is a friend indeed. she has always been there for me and i appreciate our friendship a lot. i’m glad we knew each other and so blessed to have a friend like her in my life. 

when i feel so alone, i think of many sasha said to me to boost my morale. and my loneliness leaves me for times. 

i don’t regret knowing them. i consider my college years one of the best time in my life. i do regret, however, how things have turned out. friends from college are not best for me now. people come and go, so does friendship.

image from axis experience

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